15 years...

15 years... The time truly does fly by!  We were so young when we said "I do!" back at West Point Baptist Church, yet I knew without a doubt you were the man that God had saved just for me!

Now after 6 moves, 3 babies, 3 churches, travels to Japan, Canada, Ecuador, and St. Lucia, there is no one I would rather be beside than you!

Marriage with you has been my greatest adventure, and I look so forward to the many destinations we explore together!

I pray daily that our girls will be as blessed as I am to one day have husbands with the same integrity as their daddy.

You are my best of friends.  You make life fun and how grateful I am that you put up with my quirkiness and love me anyway!

Even though today will be like most days:  dishes and laundry, ministry and service, and spending the majority of the day apart, I'm so grateful for the time in Okinawa.  Special memories made over authentic Japanese breakfast, walking to the beach together and writing our names in the sand, was an amazing way to celebrate the past 15 years of our lives together!  (Thank you, Dad & Mom!)

I love you more than you'll ever know, Marty Middleton!  How blessed I am that you chose me!  Happy 15th Anniversary!

Every Hour...

I truly am a messed up mama in need of my Savior's grace day after day, moment by moment.  I throw the mean look to the hubs in the middle of dinner, and once again forget to pay the electricity bill (the only bill I'm in charge of!).  Earlier in the day, words to my girls cut like the dirty knives sitting in the sink waiting to be washed... again! 

Kind words, where are you?  Proverbs 3:3 is supposed to be ingrained on the brain, "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."  How I wish they were bound around my neck...

I desire to encourage, not discourage...

Yet in my own strength, I can do nothing.  That's what Jesus said in John 15:5, "Apart from me you can do nothing."  There is such freedom in that!

I read a devotional by SheReadsTruth a few weeks ago that gave the background to one of my favorite hymns and the comfort it brought was astounding.  In 1872, Annie Hawks, a wife and mother around my age, said, "I was busy with my regular household tasks when suddenly I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live without Him, either in joy or pain, these words, 'I Need Thee Every Hour,' were ushered into my mind, the thought at once taking full possession of me."

She then penned these words:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee; 

Every hour I need Thee; 

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee. 

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

I need Thee, O I need Thee; 

Every hour I need Thee; 

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee. 

I need You every hour, Lord, to honor and affirm the husband You have blessed me with; to fulfill the divine calling You have given me in Ephesians 5; to love and respect him without wavering; to walk beside him in the calling You have given us.

I need You every hour as I spend day after day with these amazing girls You have blessed us with.  I need Your wisdom to train them to be godly women.  I need Your grace when I mess up again and again.  I need Your strength when all the little frustrations roll into something bigger than I can handle. But then again, may it remind me that I need you every single hour, that I can't do it in my own strength.   

"There is grace that will seep into all the cracks and pained places when we don't understand.  In the places when we don't understand, we get to seek.  And how lovely is one seeking truth." - written by Kara Tippetts, a woman who lived these words to the very end, who clung to our Lord in an unbelievable way, and fully understood what it means to say, "Every hour I need Thee."

Weekend Words...

"Let's aspire to use our mouths with godly purpose.

     - to build... not to break.

     - to bless... not to badger.

     - to encourage... not to embitter.

     - to praise... not to pounce."

Words I'm reading...

- "Each day, you are writing the story that your life will tell throughout eternity.  As you recommit to God's values and priorities, every choice you make and every action you take will move you toward the exceptional life for which you were made." - Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life.

- "The key to creating fond feelings of love in a husband toward his wife is through showing him unconditional respect." - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect.

- "We will pattern our lives after their poverty.  We are poor by choice.  We want to be poor like Christ, who, being rich, chose to be born and live and work among the poor." - Mother Teresa, Teresa of Calcutta

Words I'm listening to...

- Inspired to Action Podcast: Talk more, tech less (Balancing family and technology)

- Read Aloud Revival Podcast: A lifestyle of reading aloud with Melissa Wiley

- EntreFamily Podcast: Tips for traveling with kids and loving it! (I may have listened to this 3-4 times.  Inspiration!)

Random Words...

- Words written on a cow showing where we get our beef.  One of those moments, I'm thankful to be a vegetarian.

- Yet, not quite ready to be vegan as we so love our NC State ice cream...

May your weekend be full of sweet words, words that bring life, words with no regrets... "The words you speak are not neutral - they are either moving your relationships towards life or moving your relationships toward death." - Paul David Tripp

The tongue has the power of life and death, 

and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21

Grace Goals for February...

January flew by in a blur.  Sweet memories with my mama, time away, and restarting school with renewed fervor.  Even though I'm still not implementing "early to bed, early to rise" quite yet, and a mornings are not as disciplined as I'd like, I'm thankful for a brand new month to start all over and try again.  

Recapping January Goals... 

1.  Try and implement a new daily schedule - Failed.  Schedule written out, but hardly implemented... New month, keep trying.

2.  Finish The Best Yes and read more of Notes from a Blue Bike (working on my "words") - Over halfway through both of these and sincerely loving the content of each.  Perfect for this time in my life.

3.  Fill out the paperwork and get pictures taken for passports - Appointment made!

4.  Declutter our storage area Purged a lot of girl clothes, gave some away, but much more needs to go!

5.  Order a photobook of 2014 Instagram photos. I ordered it from Shutterfly (thanks to a $20 off coupon) and wish that I could have made it hardback, but also couldn't justify the cost right now.  It has the majority of my Instagram pictures from 2014 and we've enjoyed it so much already.  As much I'd love to scrapbook again, this will do for now.

6.  Love the people in my life and show it through my words - Not perfect by any means, but as said before, an ongoing goal and desire.

 

Grace Goals for February...

1.  More disciplined mornings.  Shower before breakfast. (Don't laugh...)
2.  Finish The Best Yes and Notes from a Blue Bike, and try to start Love and Respect.  (I want to read more books on marriage this year and what a better month to start!)
3.  Begin the process of getting our tickets to Japan.  I'm honestly getting giddy in the knees over the thought of this.  Japan holds such a large piece of my heart and I can't wait to show my girls and Marty more of my childhood.
4.  Eliminate 5 unnecessary piles around our home.  Donate, give away, purge!!!
5.  Focus on loving, encouraging, and supporting Marty more than ever.  Notes, gifts, etc are nice, but over the years I've found that the best gift I can give him is a peaceful wife and home.  When I am stressed, it only adds to the stress in his life.  
6.  Read aloud with my girls on a daily basis. This is one of my favorite things to do, yet days will go by and it doesn't find its place in our schedule.

Our Love Story... (& what love's got to do with it)

Even though it's been a couple of days since Valentine's day, the memories of years past still sit fresh and new.  18 years ago, we went on that first Valentine date.  But what I remember the most is the first time we met.  As a gawky 15 year old with permed hair clear down my back, I was faced with another new set of faces (and American faces at that.) Nervous and shy, I remember this cute, older guy with glasses who introduced himself as soon as he stepped in the door.  "Hi!  I'm Marty."  I'll never forget how welcomed I felt (which is rare in a teenage Sunday School class).

We were friends, more like brother & sister for at least the first eight months.  Our short lived relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend lasted an entire two weeks and three days, which included that first Valentine's day.  Our friendship remained, not the same, but still there.  But we knew later that summer that our friendship would last forever.  

He is my best friend who knows me better than I know myself. When I cry uncontrollably, he gives space, yet comforts when the time is right.  He patiently puts up with my hair-brain ideas and never says "I told you so..."  He accepts me when I fail again and again.  He lets me dream when laundry should be folded and the bathroom needs cleaning. He buys me "Hallmark" cards (even if they are from Walmart) and roses to remind me of our dating days.   

He has given me three of my favorite people in the world. These girls make any day a special day.  I may not always respond with their same enthusiasm each day, but their thrill for life inspires me.

But now that Valentine's is over... what's love got to do with it?

I always thought that the opposite of love was hate.  Yet this is not the case.  Really the opposite of love is selfishness. When we choose to love others, we sacrifice some of ourselves (sometimes more than others.)  When we choose self over anyone or anything else, there is no love.  

So when it's his turn to make the bed, pull up the covers with the pride and choose to love.  When meetings go longer than planned, shower him with kisses when he walks through the door, knowing he's working hard as an act of love.  All week the song by Warren Barfield, Love is not a Fight, has been mulling through my head.  

Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for

Fight for your marriages.  Love is a choice, not a feeling. Choose to love your husband above all others, including yourself.

"The success of loving is in how we change because we kept on loving - regardless of anything else changing.  The value of loving is in the value of being like Christ." - Ann Voskamp

The Importance of Looking Back...

Every year when the new year rolls around, a blank calendar waits patiently to be filled.  Birthdays and anniversaries are added while flipping back over the twelve months prior.  I am always amazed at the capacity an entire year can hold.  I would never have imagined some of the events and circumstances of the past year to have occurred. 

In 2012, my unintentional focus was upon grace, the amazing grace of our Lord of which I deserve none of, the grace He calls me to extend to my family and others around me, and the grace shown to me in the lives of others in the past and present.

My verse that year can be found in Hebrews, "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may find mercy and grace in time of need."  Books such as Grace for the Good Girl, The Frazzled Female, and Grace Based Parenting, all pointed me towards His Word and the importance and freedom found His grace.

 
Last year, I knew that my focus needed to be on rest and finding my peace in Him.  How little I knew back in January the importance of these words.  This was my year of letting go...

- Letting go of my expectations for our family
- Letting go of some homeschooling hardships
- Letting go of material things I've been holding onto for far too long
- Letting go of my parents once again

My verse beside my kitchen sink reminded me time and time again, to "be still and know that He is God."  That is hard for a mom to do. It's hard for anyone to do, but it is so vital for every believer.  My favorite book last year (that I need to read again) was The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan.  Amazing book for that exact point in my life!

Now I look ahead, standing firmly beside the love of my life, knowing that God has placed us where we are for a reason.  We know it will not be easy, but we place our trust in the one who controls it all.  Without a doubt, we must "Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding." 

Day 24 - In this Together...

This post will be short because I'm out of town with the love of my life to rest and get away from the everyday life.  But I do want to touch on an important part of our homeschool journey.  We are in it together.  From the beginning, we have both agreed that teaching our girls at home is what God has called us to do at this time in our lives.  Marty has supported me through the tears, through the small & big successes, and through the doubts.  He has affirmed every curriculum choice I've made and given advice when I've needed it the most.  We are in this together.  Having his support is not only helpful for my sanity, but vital to the success of this endeavor.  

13 years ago...

13 years ago... a twenty year old girl & twenty-two year guy said "I do" and committed to stay faithful to each other in sickness & in health, in good times & bad, till death do they part.  

By God's amazing grace, we are still holding true to that same commitment.  There are days when it hasn't been as easy as others, but the thought of not being together isn't even considered.  There is no one in this world whom I'd rather talk to, vacation with, minister beside, and raise our precious girls with.  Marty Middleton, you changed my life when I met you in 1995.  You have always said that God brought me all the way from Japan to be your wife, but I think He had just as much a part in keeping you in North Carolina rather than moving to New York.  How glad I am!

 Our life together continues to amaze me!  I cannot wait to travel with you to Ecuador next week!  It will by no means be an "anniversary" type trip, but I pray it will bring us closer than ever before.  Thank you for loving me when I've been unlovable, for forgiving me again and again, for being such an incredible father to our girls, and for leading our home in the direction God is leading. 

 Happy Anniversary, Marty!  I love you so very much!

Books to live by...

There are days when my biggest accomplishments consist of painstakingly teaching my oldest the in’s & out’s of division, trying to stay awake while my kindergartener slowly reads to me, putting up the last (finally!!!) of the Christmas decorations (with three little girls help), and cleaning out rabbit poop in the dark.  Life changing…  But today, the division problems won’t seem so hard, listening to my struggling reader will be a blessing, and the rabbit can handle a day off from poop patrol. 

As I still seek rest and a sense of peace in this new year, I’m finding the need to retreat, to back away from the busyness of life.  Obviously, as a mother, this seems impossible.  After taking several weeks off from my weekly retreat, I’m making that a priority again (with my wonderful husband’s help).  Taking a break from Facebook, even if it’s just for a week, also seems appropriate at this point in my year.  But one area that I hope to really change is replacing my television time with more reading.  As a home-school mom, I read throughout the day.  Our current read-a-loud is Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes.  My sweet husband took an instagram of me reading it the other night after supper.  Even though I look bored out of my mind reading it, it truly is a fabulous book! 

Last year, I had hoped to read a book a month.  As easy as that sounded, it didn’t happen.  I’m still reading Grace for the Good Girl that I mentioned in October.  Great book, but other things have become more of a important.  But the television is going downstairs to our playroom today, and I pray that reading will become more of a priority and rest will come through it. 

Here is my (hopeful!) book list for 2013.   

• Raising Your Kids to Love the Lord by Dave Stone
• Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot
• Desperate:  Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson
• Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst
• The Hobbit by JR Tolkien
• Discipline:  The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot
• What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty
• The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin
• Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay
• Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
• The Power of Words & the Wonder of God by John Piper & Justin Taylor
• Sacred Influence:  How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands by Gary Thomas
• Graceful: (For Young Women) Letting Go of Your Try Hard Life by Emily Freeman
•  Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry by Katrina Kenison
• Let it Go by Karen Ehman
• Helper by Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick

I will most likely not read all of these, but I’d love to try.  Obviously, many of these revolve around parenting and motherhood because that is my life.  It is my season of life for which I am grateful.  I want to add a few more books on marriage which is an even greater priority for me than parenting.  I’d love to hear of other books that you were encouraged by last year or hope to read in the coming one.

Day 5 - Love & Marriage

One of the main reasons why I am not in an insane asylum right now is due to my amazing husband.  We have been married for 12 years now and it has not always been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  He truly is my best friend and I wouldn’t want to spend any part of my life without him.  

We have had the privilege over the past few years of doing premarital counseling for several couples.  During those times of meeting with them, it is often refreshing, yet challenging to our own marriage.  Marriage is not a one time deal where you say “I do” and leave all your troubles at the altar.  It takes daily sacrifice on both parts to give without expecting anything in return.  

Expectations…  Isn’t that what often gets us women in trouble?  We expect certain requirements of our husbands that they may not even know are there.  Sometimes my husband just wants me to tell him what I am hoping for, whether it’s on a date or just to do the dishes while I’m running errands.  He may not be able to meet those expectations, but he certainly can’t if I don’t even voice them.  But to me what is even more important, for myself at least, is to have less expectations.  If I could focus on the millions of things he does do and be thankful for the man God has made him to be, what a marriage!  

This is a huge topic that really can’t be covered in one day, so I may write more another day.  But I want to wrap up today by thanking my husband, Marty, for putting up with me and loving me unconditionally for the past 16 years (since we started dating).  We were given the privilege of a night off last night to enjoy dinner and movie out, while my parents kept our little ones.  What a blessing!  I consider each day of our marriage a gift. 

Oh, how the years go by...

Twelve years ago today, I said "I do" to my very best friend.  It has been an amazing twelve years in which I have never questioned our life together.  Like any roller coaster, there have been ups and downs, but we've ridden it together and that's what matters.  No gifts or big trips this year, but honestly, the best gift my husband could give me, he already has.  He's still here.  He's still right beside me, faithful and true, and that is all I need for a gift.  

A few years ago, I made a list of all of the positive traits that I could think of that described the man I married.  (At the time, I was mad at him for something, so I needed to get over it and tried a little reverse psychology on myself.)  Here was (and still is) my list...

- wonderful husband

- loving father

- faithful

- thoughtful

- giving

- forgiving

- humorous (always makes me laugh)

- romantic

- considerate of others

- beautiful voice

- great legs

- consistent provider

- understanding

- patient

- fun to be with

- humble

- keeps no records of wrongs

The list could go on . . .

The past twelve years have encompassed two trips to Japan, missions trips to St. Lucia & Canada (as well as many others for Marty), renting our first apartment for $210 a month including utilities, teaching positions in two different counties, ministering in three youth groups, moving six times, welcoming three precious girls into our family, and our adventures continue.  But once again, I will emphasize that there is no one in this world that I would rather travel this amazing journey of marriage with than you, Marty Middleton.  I cannot wait to see what the next twelve years hold for us!  Happy Anniversary!