The Deeper the Roots...

Almost two years ago, we drove this road, never imagining that it would ever become a daily drive for our family.  After close to twelve years at Fairview Baptist, our family is taking a new path, a path that we firmly believe God has directed us to follow.

Back in 2005, we packed all our belongings and traveled to the quaint town of Wake Forest, so that Marty could pursue seminary. We had already been in youth ministry for 4 years, but he desired to learn more and become better equipped for ministry in our future. Notice the word, "future."  We were tired at that point and honestly did not want a ministry job. With a one-year old in tow, no jobs, a contract on a townhome, and his acceptance letter in hand, we arrived in the Raleigh area.  But we soon discovered jobs were scarce, and we really wanted to be together as much as possible as a family.  Through what we only saw as God's providence, our seminary tour guide recommended Marty for his interim position at a church in Apex, NC.  I'll never forget driving down Ten-Ten Road our first Sunday there and feeling overwhelmed at why they would choose us.  

Over the years, Marty's job has changed, slowly increasing in responsibility, from youth to also children's ministry and then to family ministry.  Our family grew from arriving with one little girl to having our three precious young ladies.  We saw members come and go; our students grow not only physically, but spiritually; and our love for this church grow unlike anything we had ever experienced.  

But God has called us to move; this time away from everything we've known and loved.  From the first open door in this process we have slowly walked through, praying through each doorway. When we thought something would close the door, it didn't; instead swinging the door wider. God has used random messages from people over the past several months to confirm this decision.  Daily devotions have reassured us to trust God.  

Isaiah 43:19, "See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"

Isaiah 58:11, "The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."

1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Even the weekend that we went to visit the church in SC, we prayed for red flags.  I prayed that I would notice every single little thing that could be an issue in whether or not we should go.  Not a single red flag.  The encouragement and connection that God allowed through that weekend confirmed in both of us that He was leading us.  We knew the only thing holding us back from going was the fact that it would be the hardest move of our lives. 

There is no way to explain how hard this process has been. Telling our girls went so much better than we expected. There have certainly been hard days and many, many tears were shed, especially that first week.  But their attitudes have been amazing thus far!  People have commented that "at least we homeschool!?" indicating that it should make things easier.  As much as this could be true, it's not.  There has been just as much mourning over leaving our Thursday homeschool group, our home that is our refuge, and most of all, our church which is all my girls have ever known.  Ministry is our life.  The people in it are our family.  

As much as we are thankful to leave on good terms with no other reason for leaving than the simple fact that God has called, it hurts. Many tears have been shed.  Feelings of guilt over leaving, thoughts of missing out on the amazing things God is doing at Fairview, and the fear of the unknown has gripped all of our hearts. 

But through this whole process, God has constantly reminded us of His promises to never leave us or forsake us. I could not imagine walking through this journey with anyone besides my love and best friend.  He has been so patient with me and has never once pressured me.  Despite moving all my life, this has been the hardest move yet.  We've never known roots could go so deep and the deeper the roots the harder they are to pull out.  

It's a new year...

It's a new year...

New years resolutions, new goals, new desires, new books...

I love the reset of January 1st, looking back and learning from the previous year, yet looking forward to the upcoming one with renewed hope.  New years resolutions can get a bad reputation and honestly this year, I've wondered what's the point?  Every year I try to get to bed earlier and it never seems to happen.  Every year I try to do this and that, and it may get done until about half way through the year, if that.  

Over the past couple weeks, I've taken some time to assess my life using this printable as a guide and really seeking what the Lord would have of me this year.  I really enjoyed looking back at my favorite moments of 2015 (lot's of travel and change!) and yet was challenged by the things lacking in my life - better health and exercise! 

Some of the areas I desire to improve upon are:

 - prayer - My prayer life has been lacking for some time now.  A friend gave me a great spiral journal for my birthday and I've loved filling the front of it with prayer requests, verses on prayer, and literal prayers as I feel the need to write them out.  

- health & exercise - With traveling to two continents last year and moving houses, exercise & eating naturally were put on the back burner.  So this year, they've got to become more of a priority. Specific desires include less carbs & sugar, run two races, and more green smoothies.

 - books - I love to read!!  Yet why do I struggle to finish books? Part of the issue could be due to the fact that we read throughout the day as a homeschool family, but I think one of the biggest culprits is my phone that travels with me everywhere.  It is huge temptation for me to quickly check Instagram, spend who knows how long scrolling through Facebook, read that email really quick, and just browse Pinterest because I'm bored.  I've felt more and more convicted about this.  No concrete ways to remedy this issue yet, but where there's a will there's a way.  

Here is a Reading Challenge put out by Anne Bogel with Modern Mrs. Darcy that I hope to follow and use for accountability.

For those of you with kids, Sarah Mackenzie at Amongst Lovely Things and the Read Aloud Revival podcast has really inspired me and my girls to read aloud more during the month of January.  Just 15 minutes a day!

New books from Amazon always give me a thrill and I'm looking forward to getting to these titles over the next couple of months. 

- Fervent by Priscilla Shirer
- You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan
- The Fringe Hours by Jessica Turner 
- Finish The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
- Currently loving Simply Tuesday by Emily Freeman

Lastly, I'll leave you with the words of one of my new favorite songs, This Year by JJ Heller

This year I'm not looking back to who I was
Because I'm going to be someone I've never been
This year I'm not focused on the cracks in the walls
Not keeping tract of all the times I fall
This year
So long to last year
It's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight a good fight
Train our eyes to see the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here, Happy New Year!

Reflections on the move

(Wrote this a month ago...)

It's been over a week now since we've moved in and it still feels like we just started.  The house is a mess, the garage is full of boxes, need to sell more things, clean more things, the rain... the list could go on.  

Here are some reflections that I jotted down while knee deep in packing and now unpacking:

- You know you're tired when you reheat the same beans three days in a row for lunch, only to finally throw them away.
- Finding balance in washing the clothes, packing the clothes, and selling your washer and dryer.  It all gets done.
- Little piles everywhere because all the bookcases and end tables are either packed in a pod or sold.
- Just accepting sickness when it comes, even if it messes up your free childcare plans, thus experiencing mommy guilt no matter what.
- Saying goodbye to neighbors never gets easier, especially when one of them is 83 and adores our girls more than anything.
- Packing 5 boxes a night sounded like a good idea...
- Never again!!! (what I kept saying the last day, along with song, "I am overwhelmed...")
- Sometimes it seemed as though our stuff was giving birth.  We'd come upstairs and there would be more than before!

After a few days being in the house, I was experiencing a combination of weariness due to lack of sleep, seasonal depression since it has rained every day since moving in, maybe a little buyers remorse, and just downright discouragement.  So after breakfast the girls and I sat down and gave thanks because when gratitude is present, it's harder to complain.  

Here's just a portion of our list:
- big, fenced in backyard
- a beautiful patio
- new washing machine and dryer
- wood floors downstairs
- fun bedrooms
- 2 stories with the main living area downstairs
- a big kitchen
- quiet and safe neighborhood
- a long driveway
- fireplace
- nice neighbors
- trees in the backyard (and lots of leaves = good upper body workout for mommy)
- close to Porter Farms
- big back and front porches
- storm doors so Samson can look outside 

We are blessed!  So very thankful for God's many provisions!

Ready or not, here we go again...

Another summer is slipping away, while a new school year has now begun (and Sophie is still holding the Preschool sign.  Next year... kindergarten!)  The summer has flown all too quickly with little accomplished projects to show for it. Yet time has been well spent meeting new friends, catching up with old ones, road tripping with my girls, and simply enjoying the lazy days of summer.  No regrets.

As we begin our sixth year of homeschooling, I'm still just as terrified as the first.  Over the summer, feelings of guilt, second guessing myself, and rethinking much of our curriculum and our schedule has consumed my mind. Homeschooling is hard, but there is nothing sacred about it. There is not an extra measure of patience given to those of us who choose this nor a shiny halo over our heads.  This is just a choice our family has made for now.  

It can become mundane and we get stuck doing it the way we started or just because we've always done it that way.  But I've discovered by allowing the mundane to consume me, I lose my joy in teaching my children.  Homeschooling is a gift. It is daily growing alongside our children.  It is finding beauty at the breakfast table and eating lunch outside with great men and women of history.  It's talking about Jesus and those who are spreading the Word in His name.

 

My baby is no longer a baby.  That hurts my heart, yet excites me to have a house full of big girls.  She loves doing school alongside her older sisters, but grows weary quickly. So my goal is to be much more prepared on a weekly basis to not just entertain her, but encourage and enable her to grasp the beginnings of learning to read.

My little middle is starting off on the right foot this year.  I pray daily that she'll grasp some concepts that we struggled over last year and that I will have enough patience and discernment to challenge her, yet cultivate a love for learning.

My girls have grown so big and time is passing all too quickly.  My oldest reminds me often that middle school is on the horizon.  I'm not exactly sure how that changes her daily life, but it does thrill her to think of going to youth group soon. Our study of North Carolina as well as East Asia excites both of us and I look forward to watching her skills refine in many areas in the upcoming year.

 

Even though I woke up on the wrong side of the bed on our first day back, God quickly changed my moodiness to a measure of peacefulness through the thoughtfulness of others.  Talking on the phone to my mama on the other side of the world, our principal (aka. Daddy) taking the pupils out to doughnuts for breakfast, and a special basket from a sweet friend full of notes and treats would make anyone's first day back a success.  My girls dove into their books with no tears till early evening (which one did bawl like a baby).  A picnic at the park and a trip to the library completed the day. Ready or not, here we go again...

Time, Questions, and the Thoughts of Others...

Time... It's what we all say "there's not enough of," yet how serious do we really take it?  How much of it do we throw to the wind?  How much is spent on tools of convenience and communication, all in the name of "time savers"?  When I choose to put down the phone, close up the laptop, and mute the ding of the Ipad, will my time expand?  Or will it just become more alive?  Maybe that twenty-seventh handstand will actually be the best and I can sincerely clap and shower with praise or perhaps it will simply be the assurance given by having my eyes focused on my little one who needs her mama.  May I be more focused...  

As our school year rapidly approaches, so many questions have been swirly around my head. 

Am I giving my all to this calling of teaching our children at home?

Am I lining everything I do for my family in accordance to scripture?

Am I serving and loving my husband wholeheartedly?

Am I focusing so much on myself and my needs that my eyes are blinded to those in my community around me?

Am I judging the lives of others because they may not be exactly like mine?

Many of these questions have already been answered (and will be) through spending time in God's Word. Some of them have been approached through the eyes of others in which I glean wisdom from.  These are some of my favorite bloggers/writers and some of their recent posts.  

Sit back with a cup of coffee (as I am with mine) and enjoy some weekend reading.  Maybe ponder with me through at least one of these articles.  

A Diet of Distraction by Unfiltered.me - One source to my initial thoughts on time and all the distractions around us.

The Great Challenge Facing All Women by Ann Voskamp - Nuggets of wisdom.  "Every yes automatically says no somewhere else."  "Heaven forbid any woman would try to go around and try to make all women into an image of herself... Christ makes us a body, not a faith factory.  He calls us to be Christ followers, not cookie cutters."

How Women Can Stop Judging Others by Ann Voskamp - The plea for us to stop judging one another, to stop expecting Pinterest perfection, and to be "key women who will link arms with other sisters in Christ and release each other from judging our mothering, our cooking, our cleaning, our clothing, and our kids."

On Gathering Women  by Living Learning and Loving Simply - The call for us women to be inviters, to reach out, and encourage.

The Hard and the Holy by Annapolis & Co - The reminder from a mama of almost 4 little ones that motherhood is hard, yet God calls us to be holy, not perfect.

Longing for something different...

Finishing well to the end... easier said than done.  The pool is open, berries are calling to be picked, our summer bucket list is itching to be chalked out, and mentally, we are all done!  Next week should finish up our school year in the amount of days required.  A few books will continue throughout the summer to keep those wheels-a-turning.   

Change is the only constant part of life.  As humans, we are often longing for something different... a change of pace, a change of scenery, a break from the mundane.  I am ready for a little change!

I'm ready to read more, at least things that I want to read and not just what's listed in our lesson plans.  I look forward to curling up on the couch with my girls and reading some of our favorites and some new ones too.  

I finished Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma.  The subtitle says it all:  A Mom's 12-month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement. She begins the book by asking the question, "Why am I standing with my arms up to catch my kids before they even get a chance to fail at work?  Instead of encouraging independence and an ability to assess a situation with an eye to what needs doing, I've taught them to be utterly dependent on me."  Guilty!

But by the end, she challenges and encourages parents.  "Culture doesn't determine who people become.  People determine what the culture will be.  Might our equipped, empowered, unentitled kids be the ones who set the course for the future."  Excellent book, but probably geared more towards parents of older elementary to high school children.  I've definitely learned a lot and hope to incorporate some of the advice gleaned from this book.

My current read on my nightstand (purse, pool bag...) was given to me by my sweet husband.  Treasuring Christ (when your hands are full) by Gloria Furman and has been exactly what I needed to read at this time in my life.  When I can't get through the introduction without underlining half of it, I know it will be a keeper.  What I have loved the most about this book is how scripture is infused within every paragraph.  She doesn't just write fluff to make me feel good. Everything word written is based upon God's word.  

"Day and night, moment by moment, we must choose to rest in Jesus.  That's what it means to treasure Christ when your hands are full, whether you have one child or a dozen." 

"Advice on things such as choosing a safe car seat or teaching a finicky preschooler to eat a well-balanced meal is easy to come by. Instructions on how to love your neighbor and nurture your children are also readily available.  What we are less likely to come by is encouragement to consider how the gospel transforms our motherhood." - G. Furman

Grace Goals...

For some, goals may be determined as standards demanded to be met, for others they are laid out as a form of accountability, yet even others find goals to be traps for failure for all those plans unmet.  I can easily fall prey into the last category.  Here it is mid May, June drawing close, and in the blog world, I'm far behind.  But there is grace...  No one else may care whether I blog about goals or not, but it does (in some weird way) hold me accountable, pushes me to step out of my complacency, and strive to just get out of bed sometimes.  

Aspirations for April...
1.  Plan a new spring menu (less grains, more veggies & protein). - almost completed!  
2.  Point my girls to the real meaning of Easter. - not as I had hoped, but yet no regrets. (read more about it here.)
3.  Start every day with a clean kitchen table. - I maybe accomplished this goal every other day.  Not perfect by any means, but on the clean days, there was more freedom in starting off with an open surface.
4.  Finish two of the books I'm reading:  Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman & Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma. - Whoo hoo!  I read Not a Fan with my homeschool group and it was convicting once again.  I'll try to write more about Cleaning House in the near future.
5.  Truly rest on our little family spring break. - such a blessing!

So for the rest of May and June, my goals will be layered with grace, thought through and laid out with the hopes of fulfilling them, but given wide enough boundaries that I pray God will glorified through them.

Grace Goals for May & June:

1.  Finish our school year well, not just surviving.

2.  Plan and enjoy my 10 year old's (oh my goodness!) birthday party.

3.  Make our summer bucket list.

4.  Read Treasuring Christ when Your Hands are Full by Gloria Furman and A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman.

5.  Find and try healthy recipes for summer essentials (sunscreen, fruit wash, insect repellent, etc).

6.  Declutter my closet.

7.  Prioritize my mornings.

8.  Open our home to others (& choose to let go of my expectations).

Losing the love...

Some weeks are just harder than others, not visibly to other people, but only known to the ones closest to you.  Humility is a hard dose to take, yet so vital to growth.  

"You have forsaken your first love" (Revelation 2:4) - lost or abandoned your first love, referring to the first commandment to love the Lord your God with all your heart...

Conviction filled me as I realized how often I do that.  I idolize other things before my Lord.  I worship the devotional, the author, the blogger, the newest song, more than our God they are writing about.  

I fail to stop at the instrument without going further to the conductor.  

These instruments are still important.  The fault doesn't lie with them, but instead with the musician.  When I place someone's words, someone's thoughts at a higher level than the origin behind them, then the love is lost.  Let my words not be misunderstood.  I am so thankful for the men and women that God is using daily to help me to grow as a child of God, a friend, a mother, and a wife. There have been many seasons in my life in which I firmly believe God has used the words of others to point my eyes back on Him.  But I also know there have been times in which my eyes fall short and instead of keeping my eyes on the conductor of this amazing piece of music called "life", I focus on others.  I may even idolize them.  

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 22:37-39) 

Not always as easy as it sounds.

January's Simple Five

Every year, I feel as though I fail miserably at meeting my goals, accomplishing my resolutions, reading my list of books desired...  Honestly, I'm not sure how to overcome that feeling of failure, except to try something different.  More simple, yet more detailed...  That seems contradictory.  We'll see...

I found this great printable for 2014 goals that I find to be attainable, yet different from the norm.  Marty and I discussed these in the car one day and I still need to write them down and slowly check them off throughout the year.  

Meanwhile, I'm going to try for some simple goals each month.  (Some months, it may not even happen.  Leaving some space for grace.) 

January's Simple Five:

1. Organize our school room.

2. Finish A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot (great book, but it's a doozy!)

3. Find and try 2 new, healthy recipes.

4. Run up to 3 miles again.

5. Devotions daily with my girls.