The Importance of Looking Back...

Every year when the new year rolls around, a blank calendar waits patiently to be filled.  Birthdays and anniversaries are added while flipping back over the twelve months prior.  I am always amazed at the capacity an entire year can hold.  I would never have imagined some of the events and circumstances of the past year to have occurred. 

In 2012, my unintentional focus was upon grace, the amazing grace of our Lord of which I deserve none of, the grace He calls me to extend to my family and others around me, and the grace shown to me in the lives of others in the past and present.

My verse that year can be found in Hebrews, "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may find mercy and grace in time of need."  Books such as Grace for the Good Girl, The Frazzled Female, and Grace Based Parenting, all pointed me towards His Word and the importance and freedom found His grace.

 
Last year, I knew that my focus needed to be on rest and finding my peace in Him.  How little I knew back in January the importance of these words.  This was my year of letting go...

- Letting go of my expectations for our family
- Letting go of some homeschooling hardships
- Letting go of material things I've been holding onto for far too long
- Letting go of my parents once again

My verse beside my kitchen sink reminded me time and time again, to "be still and know that He is God."  That is hard for a mom to do. It's hard for anyone to do, but it is so vital for every believer.  My favorite book last year (that I need to read again) was The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan.  Amazing book for that exact point in my life!

Now I look ahead, standing firmly beside the love of my life, knowing that God has placed us where we are for a reason.  We know it will not be easy, but we place our trust in the one who controls it all.  Without a doubt, we must "Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding." 

Christmas Cookies, Birthdays, and Ballet...

A peaceful Christmas?  It will be.  The advent leading up to it?  Well, not what I had expected.  But then again, expectations hurt relationships and honestly, relationships are one of the few things that matter to me the most right now.  Praise God, spending time daily with Him has been more than I could have hoped for in preparing for Christmas. Yet there have been so many times I've failed Him when rushing my girls out the door to run to one more activity, when staying up too late to try to meet others expectations (when it's really my own), and when letting the stress build to climax (resulting in mommy-break-down).  

So I've let go, not completely, but I'm getting there.  Cookies were made when mommy was having a sane day.  Polar Express was watched four times while the house lay in disarray.  The last of the wooden ornaments were bought and painted, but will be late this year in the mailbox. School work continued, not well done, but enough to carry on (tu-tu's included).

Some traditions will never change because they are simple. The treat of driving far to see the lights, ride the child-size carousel, and buy over-priced candy will always be cherished.  Yet, what they love the most is the hot chocolate we bring along to drink on our way home accompanied by their candy and a Christmas movie.  It's the little things.  

Birthday's in December are never an easy task, yet so important in life of a seven year old middle child.  Free cupcakes from GiGi's, and the majority an indoor pool to ourselves made the first part of her birthday special.  Her actual day encompassed presents from family, a pool cake for breakfast, Chick-fil-a for lunch (our little carnivore's choice), and the $2 movie theater seeing Despicable Me 2.  What we thought was going to be a day with a house full of extended family turned out to be relaxed one and all about Naomi. 

   

The next week followed with ballet open houses (our littlest performing in her first!), cookie exchanging with ladies in the neighborhood, and lots of sugar for breakfast each morning. The imperfections abound, but I'm learning that where I am imperfect, He is more perfect.  There are still gifts to wrap and a couple more cards to address.  This Christmas will be different, but every year is. Yet one thing remains the same, "She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means God is with us." - Matthew 1:23  I have been reminded of this promise several times over the past week. God is with us.  It is said that John Wesley died with the words "The best of all is, God is with us" on his tongue.  

"Christmas is about God's doing whatever it takes to be with us - and our doing whatever it takes to be with Him.  He climbed down from the throne in heaven to get to you.  Climb over the throes of Christmas to get to Him." - Ann Voskamp, The Greatest Gift

Day 16 - Coffee & Rest

"In a culture where busyness is fetish and stillness is laziness, rest is slothful.  But without rest, we miss the rest of God:  the rest He invites us to enter more fully so that we might know Him more deeply.  'Be still and know that I am God...'  Sabbath is both a day and an attitude to nurture such stillness.  It is both time on a calendar and a disposition of the heart.  It is a day we enter, but just as much a way we see." - Mark Buchanan

Three and half years ago, I gave birth to my sweet baby girl #3.  I loved being a mommy to girls.  I loved homeschooling and training our girls at home.  But I slowly felt myself becoming depleted.  I was giving all of my energy to these sweet girls, trying to support my husband in his ministry, mentoring high school girls each Sunday, yet not finding some time to rest and refill.  

With the support of my husband, I began to take one morning a week to slip away in the early morning hours to a local coffee shop for some time of rest.  To be able to slowly sip on my coffee, enjoy a tasty treat, pop in my ear buds, and have uninterrupted time to read my Bible and devotional became a time of Sabbath for me.  As a homeschool/stay-at-home mom, this time away became balm to my frazzled soul.  

 

 

Getting away once a week may not be possible for every mom.  It doesn't always happen here.  As a introvert, I crave alone time.  I love being with people and sharing conversations, but it exhausts me over time.  

"We have great freedom to live within the confines of our own personalities.  The more we learn to accept our own limitations, and the limitations and vulnerabilities of our children, the more able we will be to give to our children from our strengths, rather than our weaknesses." - Sally Clarkson  

For some, going for a run or sitting on your back porch may be just as pleasurable and restful.  For others, just lighting a candle during rest time and devoting that hour or so to just focus on the Lord, plan for the upcoming week, and pray over your family may be all you're able to do at this point.  But I do encourage moms (working, stay-at-home, homeschool) to make time to rest, not just surfing Pinterest (that I am guilty of doing), 

- but making that time of respite count for something, 

- make it beneficial for your family, 

- be a better mom and wife because you took that time to refocus. 

"There is a desperate need for us to hit pause, sit with God, and ask Him to reveal some things to us...  The Sabbath isn't just a time to be observed; it's a time to be preserved.  The observer remembers to rest.  The preserver rests to remember - remember that it's all about God." - Lysa Terkeurst

Leaving little ones...

Tomorrow, our team of 18 will fly 2,460 miles to Quito, Ecuador for a week of jam-packed VBS, ditch digging, basketball camp, and Lord willing, many one-on-one conversations with people who need to know the love of Jesus.

As of Wednesday, my suitcase contained five t-shirts, a poncho, an umbrella, and a blanket.  Marty is almost completely packed, which is pretty amazing.  It's not that I'm dragging my feet about packing.  I feel like lists are growing like weeds around me.  Lists of what to still buy for Ecuador.  Lists of what to buy for my girls for the week.  Lists of what to do (copy passports, copy coloring sheets to take, refill prescriptions, etc).  Packing lists for us and for the girls.  Lists of what the girls can eat while we are away.  Lists of what medicines they might need.  Like I said.... 

Yet despite the lists, I don't want to look back over this week with regrets.  I want to enjoy the water gun fights and the roasting of marshmallows.  I want to say "yes" to an impromptu tea party for breakfast.  It's definitely been a struggle this week.  I have felt pulled between the need to pack and the desire to spend time with my girls.  Sleep definitely hasn't been the priority that I had hoped, so once again, coffee has become a dear friend of mine.  But on my last day with my girls, I pray that our time will be sweet.  A simple trip to the library and our favorite bakery...  Pizza and movie night with Daddy...  To be completely honest, it almost kills me to leave these sweet faces. I love those little arms wrapping around my neck and catching a glimpse of those toothy grins that find joy in every circumstance.

 

It has definitely been harder than ever before leaving our girls, even though I trust my parents and sisters more than anyone else in the world to care and love on them.  But in order to make things a little easier for all of them (& maybe to ease my conscience a little in leaving them), here are a few things we hope will help while we are away.  

• a gift for each day (I left with my mom gifts for each girl for every day while we are away.  She's going to put them at their spots at breakfast.  They are simple gifts from mini tissue boxes to new water bottles and gardening bags.)
• notes from Marty and I  (Marty and I have divided the days and  have written each of them notes to be read every day.)
• our bedtime songs on an I-pod (I simply recorded several songs I sing to them at bedtime, ones I've sang since their births and our new favorite "The Boat Song" by JJ Heller.  I'll leave this up to my mom whether or not to play these for the girls.  It could help or make things harder.  This is for emergencies.)
• a hidden gift in their suitcases (My parents always did this for me when I went to boarding school.  I could open it as the airplane took off or would sometimes find it when unpacking.  Special memories for me!)
• favorite foods (I've stocked up on all their favorite snack foods and mealtime favorites to help make meals a little easier for my parents.)
• packed all their clothes in ziploc bags for every day of the week (This ensures that things match and underwear is included.)

 We will most likely not be able to communicate much while there due to very little internet connection and high phone prices.  This may be for the best as I usually fall apart talking to my girls when I'm away.  I would so appreciate prayer as I struggle to balance my heart being pulled toward my children and my desire to minister with my husband.  Pray that once we arrive, our focus will be entirely on what God has called us to do in Ecuador.  May any glory or recognition be only given to Him!

Another glimpse from last year when Daddy was away...