Looking back over my New Year's resolutions from last year could honestly make me quite depressed. I could probably cross off one, maybe two of my goals. Pitiful, I know... After a difficult past week of sickness and an unaccomplished to-do list, I'm left feeling weary and already a little discouraged for the upcoming year. After all, there are still a few more Christmas decorations to put away, lessons plans to write, a school room to put back together, checkbook to balance, and the list could go on...
But God is so good in giving reminders of His grace and presence. Ann Voskamp's latest post, When You Don't Want a New Year, but a New You, brought such comfort in my time of exhaustion. She wrote the most beautiful illustration of her daughter playing the piano for a festival, messing up at times, but continuing the piece. After the festival was over, the adjudicator encouraged the students with these words,
"We are all going to botch it somedays. We all sometimes get the notes wrong. But the song only goes wrong when we keep thinking back to the wrong notes. When a piece starts to fall apart — fall forward. Fall forward into the next bar. Moving forward is what makes music.“
I just need to keep moving forward. One step, one day at a time. II Corinthians 12:9-10, highlighted yellow in my worn Bible, also reminded me,
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, that I am strong."
As I've said in previous posts, grace has been my unintentional theme of last year, 2012. It is still a work in progress, a daily prayer, and a constant dying to self because I can't do it alone. But as I've reflected a lot over the past week, I believe the Lord is desiring for me to focus on peace this coming year. Much of that revolves around rest (in the form of more sleep, less yes's, and more time in His Word). No promises or concrete goals this year, just desires... Desires for peace, rest, less regrets, and new memories.