When Your Baby is no Longer a Baby...

I write this a week after my littlest's 6th birthday.  With each new season, I give up a past one.  A few years ago, I no longer had toddlers, then the preschool years were gone, and now as she turns 6, my baby is no longer a baby and my heart hurts.  

I write this with less raw and much more peace.  When we first started our little family almost twelve years ago, I thought we would have four children (all boys!) and even after my third little girl was born, I constantly had this feeling that someone was still missing. But God has not allowed us to have another one and for years, it has left an ache within me. Month after month of "no." Yet, how can I complain with three beautiful, healthy children?  I must daily choose joy and count His blessings.  How blessed I am!

So I write this as a tribute to my baby who will always be my baby and to other mamas out there who may struggle too.

To the mama who has yet to hold her first baby...

The desire is so strong, so consuming.  Don't stop holding on to hope and to His promises.  Remember the man beside you may be hurting too.  Let nothing cause a wedge to come between you. When the words and pictures of others hurt, try to remember it's not their intent to rub it in, they simply don't know, nor understand.  I can say this because I once was one of them and may still fall short.

To the new mama...

I know it's tough, it's lonely at times, and you think this season will never end.  I know you're tired of hearing the wiser ones tell you to cling to the moments, that the days are long and the years are short. It's true.  But my advice is to see that baby you hold in your arms, the one that wakes you countless times in the night, that exhausts you beyond anything you could have imagined... see that little one as your first blessing and possibly your last.  Don't just assume you'll have another baby and you can enjoy cuddles more with the next one.  Savor every moment you can.  

To the mama of preschoolers...

They will learn it all eventually.  Every color will become its own one day and not always blue.  The ABC's and 123's will sound less jibberish and they will graduate from kindergarten without pacifiers.  Let them play, really play!  Read good books, even when there is laundry to fold and dishes to wash.  They'll one day stop asking and that to-do list won't seem as important.  

To mamas like me!

Let's give some grace.  Let's encourage each other when we are discouraged.  Let's stop competing and start completing each other. Let's find ways to be inspired and challenged (especially in God's Word), but not at the expense of our families.  Let's look for the fringe hours to fill up our tanks so the primary hours of our day can overflow with goodness to those we love and are surrounded by.

To the mamas with children all grown up & to women who are like mothers to us...

You are so important!  Us mamas in the thick of motherhood still need you.  We need your wisdom and your advice, even if you think we have it all together.  Google and YouTube can't teach us everything.  How blessed I am to have a mother who continually invests in the lives of me and my sisters!  But there are many who still need such motherly figures to speak the truth in love. 

To all the mamas...

Take notice of the little things.  Count the freckles and capture the quiet moments in your mind (and on camera), so you'll remember them when life seems chaotic.  Praise that man of yours every single time he steps up and leads your family as God has called him to do.  And if he doesn't, then just keep on praying.  

"If I cannot give my children a perfect mother I can at least give them more of the one they've got - and make that one more loving. I will be available.  I will take time to listen, time to play, time to be home, and time to counsel and encourage." - Ruth Bell Graham

When being a mama hurts...

You never realize till you're in the middle of it all how amazing and yet painful, being a mother can be.  When you hear another child tell yours she's stupid, that her reading is terrible, your heart hurts so badly and you just want to take it all away and reassure her how special she is.  

You read of other mothers on the other side of the world whose daughters, the ages of my girls, are being taken from them and made into slaves, forced to do horrifying things.  It hurts...  

A mama is told her sweet baby, born from another mother, will be taken back to his family.  Months of sleepless nights and precious smiles...  It hurts.  

Month after month the answer is no. You know you should be thankful, and you are, for those beautiful children God has already blessed you with.  But when there still seems to be one missing and you long for just one more baby to hold in your arms, it hurts...

"Even if we dreamed of having babies of our own, there is nothing that prepares us for the way that moment cracks open our hearts and pours in the type of pure love we never knew existed.  A love that isn't about us but is just about wanting to love and protect this little, helpless person who will emit all manner of bodily fluids on us if given half the chance.  You can't fathom it until you experience it." - Melanie Shankle from Sparkly Green Earrings

I've prayed this over my high school girls Sunday School class in the past, over my sister leaving for Africa, and constantly over my own girls...

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we having not stopped praying for you. and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.  And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way:  bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."  
Colossians 1:9-12

Being a mother is the hardest job I've ever had and I don't see it getting any easier, but I'm so glad that I'm not walking this journey alone.  God has blessed me with the most amazing husband, who encourages and comforts me.  God has given me a mother who has not only been the perfect example to follow, but also a friend to walk alongside me, even if she's on the other side of the world. God has given me three precious girls who show continual grace and forgiveness for their mama who lets them down again and again. But most of all, God has given me and continues to pour out Himself.  When I am weak, He is strong.  

Every Hour...

I truly am a messed up mama in need of my Savior's grace day after day, moment by moment.  I throw the mean look to the hubs in the middle of dinner, and once again forget to pay the electricity bill (the only bill I'm in charge of!).  Earlier in the day, words to my girls cut like the dirty knives sitting in the sink waiting to be washed... again! 

Kind words, where are you?  Proverbs 3:3 is supposed to be ingrained on the brain, "Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."  How I wish they were bound around my neck...

I desire to encourage, not discourage...

Yet in my own strength, I can do nothing.  That's what Jesus said in John 15:5, "Apart from me you can do nothing."  There is such freedom in that!

I read a devotional by SheReadsTruth a few weeks ago that gave the background to one of my favorite hymns and the comfort it brought was astounding.  In 1872, Annie Hawks, a wife and mother around my age, said, "I was busy with my regular household tasks when suddenly I became so filled with the sense of nearness to the Master that, wondering how one could live without Him, either in joy or pain, these words, 'I Need Thee Every Hour,' were ushered into my mind, the thought at once taking full possession of me."

She then penned these words:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee; 

Every hour I need Thee; 

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee. 

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;

Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;

Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;

And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;

O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

I need Thee, O I need Thee; 

Every hour I need Thee; 

O bless me now, my Savior,

I come to Thee. 

I need You every hour, Lord, to honor and affirm the husband You have blessed me with; to fulfill the divine calling You have given me in Ephesians 5; to love and respect him without wavering; to walk beside him in the calling You have given us.

I need You every hour as I spend day after day with these amazing girls You have blessed us with.  I need Your wisdom to train them to be godly women.  I need Your grace when I mess up again and again.  I need Your strength when all the little frustrations roll into something bigger than I can handle. But then again, may it remind me that I need you every single hour, that I can't do it in my own strength.   

"There is grace that will seep into all the cracks and pained places when we don't understand.  In the places when we don't understand, we get to seek.  And how lovely is one seeking truth." - written by Kara Tippetts, a woman who lived these words to the very end, who clung to our Lord in an unbelievable way, and fully understood what it means to say, "Every hour I need Thee."

Keep praying...

We pray that our children will learn responsibility; that they will learn to be kind, generous, and full of mercy and peace. Sometimes you wonder if those prayers are even heard, much lest fulfilled in the lives of our offspring.  Then, one day, you see a glimmer... 

Instead of getting upset over the tired whines, she offers to carry her littlest sister.  A mother's heart can burst in that moment, not with pride, but with pure gratitude over answered prayers.  

Yet, as much as we can pray and pray over our children, it's not until we live the prayers ourselves that our children understand and follow by example.  Personally, I fail at this miserably, but by God's grace, I can start each day fresh with no mistakes in it.  

"Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

31 Days of Praying for our Children

The last two years I have joined bloggers around the world in an effort to blog every day in October, all 31 days.  This year, instead of blogging every day, I want to focus on praying everyday for my girls.   There will not be daily posts, maybe not even weekly posts, but I want to encourage any parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, to utilize this amazing privilege in coming before our creator to lift up these little (& getting bigger) creations that He has entrusted us to care for and invest in.

I have this calendar folded and tucked in my scripture journal, and it's nothing I've made.  Thank you, Kat Lee & Bob Hostetler, for compiling such a great list based upon scripture to pray over our children daily.  Click on Kat's blog, Inspired to Action, to print your own calendar.     

The first day is praying over our children's salvation.  "Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory." Isaiah 45:8, II Tim 2:1

It has been an incredible honor to witness two of my children come to know the Lord, yet I still pray for our littlest one, that she may one day understand the amazing grace of our God and the incredible sacrifice that He paid on our behalf.  For my older two, only God knows their hearts, so I pray for authenticity in their faith. May their salvation be their own, not contingent on mom or dad's. May it not be based on works, but upon a heart who truly loves our Lord.  

To read my last two years 31 days series (which I need to reread myself...), click below:

31 days of Homeschooling

31 days from Insanity to Sanity

To read more about what 31 days is all about, click here.

Summer Dates

"Where do you want to go on our date?" 

"McDonald's!" says my vegetarian bred girl

Thus, a meatless hamburger kid's meal was ordered and savored by my sweet four year old who even shared a fry or two with her mama.

Not much was accomplished on our summer bucket list, but taking each of my girls on a date was not only checked off, but thoroughly enjoyed.  Marty does an amazing job taking the girls on monthly dates throughout the year, but for some reason, it's harder for me to make the time for such individual attention.  

Waffle House would not have been my first pick, but seeing my little middle's face as her chocolate chip waffle was laid in front of her could not have made that breakfast anymore special.  Having that time to listen to her dreams and fears was priceless.

Since our summer is rapidly approaching its finale, my oldest accompanied me on my weekly retreat to one of my favorite coffee shops for our special date.  Being early risers, we arrived soon after it opened, enjoyed our pastries and hot drinks while reading through our devotions.  Not much planning occurred on my part, but it was fun just sitting together working on our own agendas. 

How I pray that in years to come they will still want to spend time with me, that french fries, waffles, and hot tea will always be treats for them, and that their hearts will feel freedom to open and share, knowing we will always listen and love unconditionally. 

Time, Questions, and the Thoughts of Others...

Time... It's what we all say "there's not enough of," yet how serious do we really take it?  How much of it do we throw to the wind?  How much is spent on tools of convenience and communication, all in the name of "time savers"?  When I choose to put down the phone, close up the laptop, and mute the ding of the Ipad, will my time expand?  Or will it just become more alive?  Maybe that twenty-seventh handstand will actually be the best and I can sincerely clap and shower with praise or perhaps it will simply be the assurance given by having my eyes focused on my little one who needs her mama.  May I be more focused...  

As our school year rapidly approaches, so many questions have been swirly around my head. 

Am I giving my all to this calling of teaching our children at home?

Am I lining everything I do for my family in accordance to scripture?

Am I serving and loving my husband wholeheartedly?

Am I focusing so much on myself and my needs that my eyes are blinded to those in my community around me?

Am I judging the lives of others because they may not be exactly like mine?

Many of these questions have already been answered (and will be) through spending time in God's Word. Some of them have been approached through the eyes of others in which I glean wisdom from.  These are some of my favorite bloggers/writers and some of their recent posts.  

Sit back with a cup of coffee (as I am with mine) and enjoy some weekend reading.  Maybe ponder with me through at least one of these articles.  

A Diet of Distraction by Unfiltered.me - One source to my initial thoughts on time and all the distractions around us.

The Great Challenge Facing All Women by Ann Voskamp - Nuggets of wisdom.  "Every yes automatically says no somewhere else."  "Heaven forbid any woman would try to go around and try to make all women into an image of herself... Christ makes us a body, not a faith factory.  He calls us to be Christ followers, not cookie cutters."

How Women Can Stop Judging Others by Ann Voskamp - The plea for us to stop judging one another, to stop expecting Pinterest perfection, and to be "key women who will link arms with other sisters in Christ and release each other from judging our mothering, our cooking, our cleaning, our clothing, and our kids."

On Gathering Women  by Living Learning and Loving Simply - The call for us women to be inviters, to reach out, and encourage.

The Hard and the Holy by Annapolis & Co - The reminder from a mama of almost 4 little ones that motherhood is hard, yet God calls us to be holy, not perfect.

Longing for something different...

Finishing well to the end... easier said than done.  The pool is open, berries are calling to be picked, our summer bucket list is itching to be chalked out, and mentally, we are all done!  Next week should finish up our school year in the amount of days required.  A few books will continue throughout the summer to keep those wheels-a-turning.   

Change is the only constant part of life.  As humans, we are often longing for something different... a change of pace, a change of scenery, a break from the mundane.  I am ready for a little change!

I'm ready to read more, at least things that I want to read and not just what's listed in our lesson plans.  I look forward to curling up on the couch with my girls and reading some of our favorites and some new ones too.  

I finished Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma.  The subtitle says it all:  A Mom's 12-month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement. She begins the book by asking the question, "Why am I standing with my arms up to catch my kids before they even get a chance to fail at work?  Instead of encouraging independence and an ability to assess a situation with an eye to what needs doing, I've taught them to be utterly dependent on me."  Guilty!

But by the end, she challenges and encourages parents.  "Culture doesn't determine who people become.  People determine what the culture will be.  Might our equipped, empowered, unentitled kids be the ones who set the course for the future."  Excellent book, but probably geared more towards parents of older elementary to high school children.  I've definitely learned a lot and hope to incorporate some of the advice gleaned from this book.

My current read on my nightstand (purse, pool bag...) was given to me by my sweet husband.  Treasuring Christ (when your hands are full) by Gloria Furman and has been exactly what I needed to read at this time in my life.  When I can't get through the introduction without underlining half of it, I know it will be a keeper.  What I have loved the most about this book is how scripture is infused within every paragraph.  She doesn't just write fluff to make me feel good. Everything word written is based upon God's word.  

"Day and night, moment by moment, we must choose to rest in Jesus.  That's what it means to treasure Christ when your hands are full, whether you have one child or a dozen." 

"Advice on things such as choosing a safe car seat or teaching a finicky preschooler to eat a well-balanced meal is easy to come by. Instructions on how to love your neighbor and nurture your children are also readily available.  What we are less likely to come by is encouragement to consider how the gospel transforms our motherhood." - G. Furman

Grace Goals...

For some, goals may be determined as standards demanded to be met, for others they are laid out as a form of accountability, yet even others find goals to be traps for failure for all those plans unmet.  I can easily fall prey into the last category.  Here it is mid May, June drawing close, and in the blog world, I'm far behind.  But there is grace...  No one else may care whether I blog about goals or not, but it does (in some weird way) hold me accountable, pushes me to step out of my complacency, and strive to just get out of bed sometimes.  

Aspirations for April...
1.  Plan a new spring menu (less grains, more veggies & protein). - almost completed!  
2.  Point my girls to the real meaning of Easter. - not as I had hoped, but yet no regrets. (read more about it here.)
3.  Start every day with a clean kitchen table. - I maybe accomplished this goal every other day.  Not perfect by any means, but on the clean days, there was more freedom in starting off with an open surface.
4.  Finish two of the books I'm reading:  Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman & Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma. - Whoo hoo!  I read Not a Fan with my homeschool group and it was convicting once again.  I'll try to write more about Cleaning House in the near future.
5.  Truly rest on our little family spring break. - such a blessing!

So for the rest of May and June, my goals will be layered with grace, thought through and laid out with the hopes of fulfilling them, but given wide enough boundaries that I pray God will glorified through them.

Grace Goals for May & June:

1.  Finish our school year well, not just surviving.

2.  Plan and enjoy my 10 year old's (oh my goodness!) birthday party.

3.  Make our summer bucket list.

4.  Read Treasuring Christ when Your Hands are Full by Gloria Furman and A Million Little Ways by Emily Freeman.

5.  Find and try healthy recipes for summer essentials (sunscreen, fruit wash, insect repellent, etc).

6.  Declutter my closet.

7.  Prioritize my mornings.

8.  Open our home to others (& choose to let go of my expectations).